The Facebook Debate

Once upon a time, there was a girl. She had no babies, no overwhelming responsiblities. She wasn't particularly passionate about anything. And occasionally her friends on Facebook would announce they were deleting Facebook because of all the 'drama'. The girl would roll her eyes, announce (probably to herself alone) that 'nobody cares' and if you can't merely look the other way from what people post than it's probably best for you anyway. Time went on. The girl grew the sweetest baby in her belly. One day, she birthed that baby with no epidural & they struggled to breastfeed. She worked harder on birthing & nursing that baby than she had ever worked on anything ever, in her whole life, combined. She read literally dozens of books. She wrote papers & took classes & engulfed herself in the world of natural/attachment/hippie parenting. It became her passion! Her only real tangible passion. She was blessed with a Velcro baby that needed her often. She nursed that baby for 24 hours straight. Her only source of entertainment while the baby slept. Or nursed. Was her phone & the tv. She spent a lot of time on Facebook. Her passion gradually grew to show on Facebook. She was so proud! And then she realized, people were de-friending her. People were making statuses about her! People were calling her 'ignorant' and 'judgemental' and it hurt the girl! She didn't want people to dislike her. She loved these people! People she thought were perfectly civil & nice would message her horrible & rude threads of condemnation & hate. They told her that her passion for breastfeeding was short sided & that formula moms were offended by her 'boasting' about breastfeeding. She decided that she had to decide, she could continue on & drive a rift further in her life while she realized she knew basically no other women that parented the way she did. Or, she could shut-up about it. Live life the way she wanted & not talk about it on social media. Or, she could delete her Facebook. She could only interact with people that wanted to interact with her. Not that those people needed to have similar ideals, but at least the effort would be conscious & worthwhile. 

If you haven't caught on, the girl I'm talking about is me. Lol. This has been a struggle for me for awhile now. I go back & forth on what is really the 'best thing'. Starting this blog was really my first step. I could still share photos of my baby, and connect with people. But not have to deal with the shear negativity on a regular basis. 

I know what you're going to say, probably, "who cares! Post away! They are the ones with the problem, not you. De-friend them. Ignore them." And I know what you are saying. I agree! But you see, i don't want to. I want to just really say how I feel. But then, I want to be Christ-like. I want to love these people that disagree so fervently. I don't want them to see me as hateful or close-minded. I want to serve them. And I'm still trying to figure out what that looks like. 

Perhaps, it's just a stage of my life. Right now I am engulfed in boobs & diapers & it's real & raw & I'm living it. But maybe someday when our babies are older & time has changed our minds in the gentle waves of life, I won't feel so strongly. I won't want to shout from the rooftops that I did what I think is best. Best for me, best for you, best for everyone. I don't like the feelings I have. I don't like the way the spur such strong emotions. I want to be rational, and loving. At all times. But right now, I don't have that self-control. 

I've been praying and I think it's best I step away. I put my phone, my computer, my Facebook, away. I spend the energy that normally do holding my breath & biting my tounge to just live this life I'm so passionate about.  

Rest assured, all 10 blog followers, I will keep this blog updated (most likely better, without the distraction of facebook). I will keep my Instagram so you can see pictures of the chubster.

 I think I just need a place to live where I feel accepted. Where I feel validated. Where I don't feel like a crazy person for breastfeeding my 15 month old. Where I can sleep with my sweet baby & not be told I'm putting her life (or her future ability to be independent) at risk. I want to enjoy the life I'm so passionate about. Sometimes I feel like such a vigilante that I can't just enjoy what I enjoy so much (does that make any sense at all?) and for me, I think that's to just dismiss myself from the screen & get out & walk the walk (literally!)

 I'm asking for your thoughts. I'd love to know your input. Have you ever struggled with this? What worked for you?

Thank you for your comments & your ideas! They are welcome & appreciated.